2001-02-10

I believe in freedom of sexual expression. I believe in freedom of reproductive education. I believe in freedom of choice for birth control and abortion. I also believe I can make a difference despite you, Mr. President, starting here and now.

What a wonderful idea. What a good feeling. If you can afford anything, however small, donate now to Planned Parenthood in "honor" of our "hand-picked" President of the United States and his attacks on the reproductive rights of women in the US and worldwide, both by policy and appointment.

Our personal freedoms are in serious jeopardy. There's more reason to help the fight now than ever.

Nothing like a little abject terror to get the blood moving.

Now, not like I really have a lot to worry about losing my job -- not to sound too cocky, but there's certainly no one there with the experience and skills I have -- but my company laid off a bunch of people. And lowered earnings estimates. I saw an entire site that I helped launch (OK, I made ads for it, but still) closed and people I know...talented ones...are out of their jobs.

It's only now on Saturday, however, that things have slowed down enough for me to contemplate this. The frenzy that our group was whipped into has been whipped into a frenzy of its own. Or something like that.

Regardless...It's been fuckin' crazy.

I got to play "spousal equivalent" Wednesday night at a company dinner for the Boyfriend's company and one of their long-time clients. The Boyfriend introduced me to one of their client's employees as "my boyfriend Casey." For some reason it struck us both as an odd to hear him say, I think because of the business context. I mean, it's true, and we are both out at our respective companies; we've also introduced the other to people we know or work with. Maybe it seemed odd because the introduction was to total strangers for both of us. Maybe part of it is the odd political mix of personal and professional, and what it means to be queer and out. But I think it would have been as strange were we a straight couple. Who can say.

I've also been sending email to people I read on the Web or know in real life. This is unusual. I don't know what it means. And I've been getting a bit more email from people who see my sites on the Web. One of the consequences of sitting in front of this box all day is that I forget that real people build and write and think all that other stuff out there. So I'm trying not to be so painfully shy about saying hello to them. Still shy though, and still need to respond to a couple of nice people. Just sometimes I'm not sure what I should say.

I'm doing what I told myself yesterday I wouldn't do. I said I was going to get up and shower, wash my hair, and go get a haircut. Instead I'm still in my Polartec fleece, sitting in front of the computer. The barbershop I go to in the Castro is closed on Sundays, so I have to get a haircut today. For some reason it's grown really fast since my New Years trim, and getting into its difficult to manage "Republican" hair stage. I know I'm overdue when I start to look like Bob's Big Boy. At least I've managed to get a couple things on my weekend to-do list done, so I haven't been thoroughly mired in sloth.

I turned off the computer a little early last night...no, no, I'm feeling fine, really...and made an old fashioned to-do list on paper. I used to spend an entire Friday evening in front of Illustrator, making a list of things to do, picking a style, designing the page, creating some fairly complicated pieces for what they are. I was basically just playing, but with an actual product developed at the end. The Roommate and the Boyfriend would tease me, saying I'd be more productive if I just spent that design time finishing things on the list itself. True enough.

Now I have a Visor, and it keeps all my to-do's neatly organized in digital format, in a small enough case to carry around with me. But I realize I've lost the joy of designing the list. I'm even less likely to look at it because there's no joy in tapping the little square to mark "done". Worse, I've found that I don't feel like sitting down and working on big design projects because I don't want to get a little ways into them and stop; consequently, without the to-do lists to point to, I don't feel like I've actually designed anything in months.

All right. Showered, cleaned the tub, addressed a Saturday crisis at work (Why? Why me?) and now off for a haircut. Hope the wait isn't awful.

_Casey

2003-03-29 - Moving Notice
2002-06-04 - Accordians and Ambassadors (Diary Fragment)
2002-05-24 - Manias (Diary Fragment)
2002-05-09 - See this little island here?
2002-04-24 - Bored and Drippy.