Doc Martin

Fear Not Drowning

Ultramundane.com

YOU'LL DANCE TO ANYTHING...

2000-06-01

All right, I think I'm finally calming down. Normally I get irritated but manage to control my behavior. This morning I was calling them like I saw them, out loud. "Stupid bitch. Don't block the stairs." "Don't get run over while talking on your cellphone, asshole." "Oh, why don't you pay for your 5 dollar coffee and bagel with a credit card, then? Yuppie Scum." The inner censor occasionally goes on strike, leaving me foul-mouthed and likely to offend others.

Thankfully I'm usually at work when this happens.

My appetite at work is better this morning. Much of the past two weeks, I've been nauseous at work in the mornings. Many bagels have gone into the trash with only one bite taken out. I can generally eat some lunch, but mostly that's because ravenously hungry beats out nausea by 2 PM. But I still don't really feel normal until after 6. I don't have this problem at home.

My job makes me nauseous. I think this is a bad thing.

I neglected to mention the perverse fascination I have with seeing my (ostensibly straight) next door neighbor nekkid. I don't really find him that attractive, though he's not necessarily bad looking either. But for some reason while I was on vacation I fixated on seeing him with no clothes. Maybe because I got intimately aware of his comings and goings. Maybe because I was intrigued with a male work colleague (?) of his who came over all the time during the day. Mostly I know it's just my overactive libido and imagination. Whatever.

But lately his bathroom window has been open, and that's just opened the floodgates on this see-him-naked "fantasy." Now, lest you think I'm some sort of stalker perv, I should mention that his bathroom window faces into the hallway to my front door. I can't help but walk past it whenever I come or go. And there's basically nothing else to the fantasy, I see him nude, he goes away. So I'm not a stalker perv. Just a normal kind of perv. Honest.

Look! Clean plate club! I ate the *whole* muffin and it only took me three hours to do it!

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