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2001-10-22 It's not my birthday I'm so hypocritical about my birthday. I really don't want a big deal made about it, but of course there's a part of me that enjoys attention from my friends. I guess that's not hypocritical...well, it is, but it's also pretty damn human to be a hypocrite. I'd just rather get attention for something less elementary than just being born. As I always say, Mom did all the work. I tried to keep quiet about it at work, but it's on public record in our department database. Next year I'll see if I can pay off the Administrative Assistant who keeps track of these things. Our boss, the insightful woman that she is, picked up on my ambivalence regarding today and isn't doing anything for my birthday, at my request. "I just want to make sure you're not doing the passive-aggressive thing and you really do want some mention of your birthday." Lady, I'm such a mess most days I couldn't tell the difference between what I want and what I think other people think I should want, and whether I'm being opposite to be spiteful or because I really don't want it. Consequently everything I do seems passive-aggressive to me. Gee, aren't I a peach? My parents decided that it wasn't enough to get me a TV for my birthday, but I needed a DVD player with receiver and surround-sound speakers...It's all still in its boxes in my living room, since there's not really enough room in there to set all this stuff up until we dispose of an extra desk, three computers, two monitors, an old TV, a couple boxes for Macintoshes, a printer or three, broken stereo components, a few bags and boxes of junk...it's getting hard to tell where the "give to Goodwill" pile starts and our crap takes over. Is it bad to fantasize about burning down all the stuff your house and starting over? Of course, I'm also debating packing everything up and taking it back down to get a refund on my mom's credit card. I don't need it; I didn't really need the TV, for that matter. (I don't watch TV; I just watch videotapes now and then.) I tried to talk my mom out of buying it for me in the first place, but while I'm pretty stubborn, you can probably guess where I learned how to be in the first place. It looks like a nice system, though, and it was a very thoughtful gift, even if I'm too much of a jerk to just accept it graciously. I've been doing much concert-going. The Boyfriend and I saw the Waterboys in concert, who were fantastic, and Joe Strummer, who was pretty good too. Wednesday the Roommate and I are going to see Bis, some great poppy, bleepy electronic music. I'm not sure if I'll have a client review the next morning at 9AM or if will have been that morning. I can't decide which is worse: having one less day to work on a project, or having to get to work early the morning after. But I'm putting stuff on the calendar. I've got events lined up just about every Saturday before Thanksgiving. Plus I'm buying treats for myself, books and art prints and halloween costume stuff, even though I'm not planning on doing anything for halloween. Well, I've got a month of not feeling like doing anything to catch up for. Our company is changing the way it does time off; in order to get people to actually go on vacation, they're offering an incentive week of paid time off if we end the year with 40 hours or less accrued vacation time. OK; so in order to get the maximum time off, I have to take time off...interesting. It's wierd and complicated math, especially since, having been here for so many years, I accumulate PTO at what feels like a week per week. I'll probably figure out I would have had to take all of October off in order to meet that goal. I know I'm exaggerating, but maybe not as much as I think I am. I'm procrastinating on this project I'm supposed to be working on. The Roommate, who wanted to go to dinner for my Birthday, is going to kick my ass when I get home. But I was expecting to be here late, which is why the Boyfriend and I decided not to go out tonight. I just can't get excited about the project. The client is difficult, the material isn't interesting to me, and consequently the design is uninspired. It bothers me a little to do mediocre work, but I'd really rather not give this project any more energy than necessary. Well, I'd better go give it the minimum, anyway, so that I can go home before it's really not my birthday anymore.
2003-03-29 - Moving Notice |
