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2001-08-03 I hate that feeling when I sit bolt upright in bed and know that I've just done something bad. I look over at the clock: 8:55 AM. Shit. Dear reader: Prepare yourself for some complaining. So much for getting to work early enough. I set my alarm for 7:45�earlier than it had been the rest of the week, thinking that I'd be able to get up without a problem since I was going to bed so much earlier. Apparently when it went off, I got up and shut it off, and then promptly turned and went back to bed. Of course, this happens the morning I'm supposed to test and hand off a presentation for the CEO? That's just great. It'll be 10 before I even get to work. To save time I elected not to take a shower, so I feel slimy and gross. Ow. The headache is back. I just washed down a couple of Advil behind that chocolate chip muffin that I was supposed to eat for breakfast. I didn't realize until today that the headache had been gone most of this week. It's almost always in the same spot, just above and behind my right eye. The week before it was pretty bad all week. I assume it's hayfever related. A little lunch on top of that and it'll fade away, I'm sure. Maybe the headaches and sleepiness could just be stress. It was quite a day yesterday, fighting with our email system, feeling stupid for asking for help. Yes, I know that the company server is having problems all over, but mine are different, really! Either the second tech guy who helped me gave me a really good placebo or there really was something weird happening to my email account. So maybe I was a freak about it. But when layoffs are imminent at your company, it's distressing to discover that your email doesn't work while everyone else's around you does. Neither does learning that you're the sole wage-earner of the household. Layoff fever finally hits home. Now, I'm sure the Roommate is happy about the gain of freedom that came with this; hopefully that outweighs the upset of the lack of paycheck. Then I found out about this rush presentation, and my other work went ka-flooey (that's a technical term) and I was trying to work while using only my blackberry to read email (sending wouldn't work) on six 20-character lines and I was trying to get out early to go to Ba-Da-Bingo this month and everyone else in the office was talkative and social and kept coming in to chat and I had to get this done and I was tired and not going to get to leave for lunch and.... I have to admit to indulging in a little nelly fit for some period of the morning, wherein I made an irritation of myself to our Tech Support department, our Ad Production team, several immediate coworkers, and at least one friend on ICQ. I'm not proud, but I'm not ashamed either. At least I didn't cry. It was strange, though. I didn't have my usual Depth Charge in the afternoon, so I was running on half the coffee I normally do. And I did fine all day. It wasn't until an hour into Bingo that I started to notice it wearing off. Then after a late dinner I got in an hour of Diablo or so before my head started nodding and I had to shut off the game and go to bed at 1AM, a good hour and half or more before my recent bedtimes. More and more people have been telling me lately that I need to drink less coffee. I thought I'd gotten my habit down to a reasonable level. All told, I drink about three and a half cups of brewed coffee (120 mg of Caffeine each), two double shots of espresso (100mg per single), and I have maybe two or three penguin mints (just 10mg each)�that's more than 8 cups of coffee a day. A little less on the weekends. But that has nothing to do with my sleeplessness or anxiety...nothing at all. Really. I used to be worse, if you can believe it. When I worked at a coffee bar, and there were no limits on how much coffee we could drink, I'd drink four- or five-shot iced lattes. Two or three of them. Up to 1500mg of coffee. I was a serious junkie. I was wound up like a speed freak, but less irritating and not as likely to steal your things and sell them. But it was effective at keeping me up all day after being out all night. And let me tell you, that was the cleanest coffee bar you'd ever find. Of course, now there's a problem with the presentation (the descriptive "doesn't work") that we weren't told about until it was too late to fix the first time. I have to not only fix the problem but also do it in a way that can be implemented across the country by people who don't often program Websites. So if I intend to have something to show at my monday site review meeting for another project (that is, my actual work,) I'll have to do it at home this weekend. Sigh. Is it too late to go back to working in a coffee bar?
Because I got up late I forgot to bring my birth certificate and forms to apply for my passport again. Goody, something else I can fret about but take no action towards! We're getting close to a month before we had planned to leave, and we still need to make reservations. I'm getting a little concerned. But between our schedules, sheer laziness, and tiredness, The Boyfriend and I just haven't been able to do it. We're going to go through a travel agent a friend recommended to him, who can hopefully help us accommodate our complimentary needs to avoid big group tours and package deals but still see interesting things and get to his sister's town as well. At least he's submitted his passport application and even requested the time off. I still need to do that. I have�and I'm not exaggerating�about six weeks of vacation saved up. Which is an unhealthy amount, I know. But the really unhealthy thing is that I feel guilty taking them just for the sake of taking them, or of asking for time off before my "vacation" to do things like, say, plan a trip to Spain. Because our office would "fall apart" without me, of course. Can you say, "Ego trip"? I'm desperate for approval, aren't I? "Messiah Complex, party of One...your cross is ready."
2003-03-29 - Moving Notice |
