Doc Martin

Fear Not Drowning

Ultramundane.com

YOU'LL DANCE TO ANYTHING...

2001-09-07

My goal for the past couple of days has not necessarily been to finish any of the projects I've got, but to make someone else beholden to finishing them in my absence. I want to promise things to people while I'm gone, approving schedules that don't involve me. "Tuesday? Sure! I'm sure they can have it done by then! Just call my boss next week to see how it's going. Ha-ha!"

I've been pretty bad about writing here, I know. I hate to use the clich�, but work has been hell. A lot of work for a couple of clients. They seem to be very happy with the work we've done to date. Today's review, for example, was fairly painless. Except for the 2 minute silence as the client reviewed copy, or talked off the call, or picked their toenails, or whatever it was that they were doing...Of course, they've also come back with changes three days after they approved a "final" on a different part of this project. Well, only one more day of that particular nightmare for me.

And this has been the way of the world for me for weeks now. Work like hell to make a client happy, have the client say how happy they are, but change direction completely, work like hell to make the client happy again. At least it seems like my new boss understands and appreciates that this is a lot of work in a small amount of time. She said this five week project was a lot of "incredible deadlines." They are? Isn't this how the rest of the world works? With ridiculous timelines and often unclear expectations? One of my former bosses said that he didn't think any place could be faster than our company--until he left for a new one, who wanted the literally impossible. (Overnight turnaround for things to be designed, printed and shipped, for instance.)

Why am I questioning if I'm working hard enough? Is this "survivor's guilt" for being passed over in the last round of layoffs? Am I just building a case against myself to give me something to beat myself up over if I get laid off soon? I feel like I've slowly been waking back up at work, and I worry that I'm doing it far too late. Oh, that's right; I used to do this work because it challenged me. Because I actually like making advertising, since it has fascinated me since childhood. I think I may be beginning to care again.

Something I forgot from my last entry. At the East German restaurant near our house I walked in and was seated by...hey, wait, didn't we go to high school together? Someone I hadn't seen in maybe 14 years. She'd finished a grad school degree, maybe a Doctorate, recently and said with a wry laugh that she was "working at about five different jobs" to pay off enormous student loan debt. We chatted amiably and it wasn't too strange. though it felt a little odd having her bring dishes of food. I actually had to fight the urge ask if I could help. (No, this is a restaurant, not someone's mother's kitchen.)

She tried to guess what I did for a living, looking at me in my black leather coat and docs, trying to remember what I wanted to be as a teenager, and what I was good at. She guessed a Director at a non-profit theater group. Which doesn't seem out of character, mind you, but isn't where I ended up at all. I haven't been anywhere near the backstage of a theater since I played a side role in a bare-stage version of Othello in college. She seemed satisfied that I was at least doing something creative. It was interesting to get a somewhat random, unsolicited comparison of what you were like as a person a long time ago and where you are now in your life.

Two weekends ago, I spent the weekend geeking out, unshowered, my hand sore from playing Diablo (and trying, unsuccessfully, to get it to work correctly with the new versions of the Mac OS.) Last weekend was fairly quiet as well. More Diablo, some shopping (including a new camera for the trip).

This weekend looks to be everything but quiet. Bingo was last night, Laurie Anderson in concert tonight. I hope I can squeeze time in for another Diaryland entry before I leave.

The "Gay Bay Blog Day" on Sunday is getting even larger now; I've now been invited to it separately by all three hosts and at least one other attendee. So I may have to show up after all. Seriously, it's definitely on my calendar for this weekend. It sounds like a load of fun to meet a bunch of other local "journaloguers."

OK, time is rapidly running out for me here at work today. I have to compose a few choice emails, put my vacation messages up, and hit the road.

RECENT ENTRIES

2003-03-29 - Moving Notice
2002-06-04 - Accordians and Ambassadors (Diary Fragment)
2002-05-24 - Manias (Diary Fragment)
2002-05-09 - See this little island here?
2002-04-24 - Bored and Drippy.